i can't help but lose the beat of my heart, the breath in my lungs, without you.

Had to write this down...

2010-01-21T09:52:00.002-05:00

Last night I dreamed that I was on my way to school and I had to go through Historic Rockford to get there. I was picking raspberries and blackberries on my way there. I stopped at the General Store and and lady inside was picking berries as well. I found a container and went around picking the berries (inside the store). She had already picked all of the best ones inside the store so I was left with the 2nd best ones but then more people were coming in looking for berries, also. The lady had been putting her's into individual bags for sale. I took mine to school with me in the bowl.

I think I went to school and then it gets blurry.

...Until I was shopping for food and I decided that I needed to make something healthy for myself for lunch at work. (A girl at work the other day happened to be eating this specific thing). I didn't want to buy everything for the dish at Whole Foods but that's where I was. I gathered the produce I needed but waited on the rest until I got to Wal-Mart. I couldn't leave for Wal-Mart right away though so I went ahead and started preparing the dish.

Weird....

Either way... I mentioned something about my general diet last night. I think that could be what sparked the dream. And I woke up craving something really fresh!

Ahem...

2009-12-17T08:02:00.002-05:00

My birthday is this weekend and there is a SLIGHT chance for snow on Saturday.

All I want is for my birthday is for anyone who reads this to PLEASE hope that the snow comes.

Thank you!

It's been quite a while!

2009-11-22T22:20:00.002-05:00

So long since I posted last! I've been very busy. I wanted to be finished with a portion of school by last week but that didn't work out so I'll officially be finished by Dec21. Speaking of December, it will be a VERY busy month for me.

Dec 6 - Salon Christmas Party
Dec 11-13 - Florida for a Wedding
Dec 15 - Start Moving!
Dec 16 - Exam 1
Dec 17 - Exam 2
Dec 20 - I'm 25 Years Old!
Dec 21 - Last Day of School
Dec 25 - CHRISTMAS
Dec 31 - Last Day of the Year

WOW

Almost TOO much but it's ok because the good definitely outweighs the mediocre. I have been VERY moneyless lately but Nate has been beyond helpful when I can't afford to give him rent or something comes up like car stuff. He has also been paying for most everything to furnish the apartment.

Nate and I went to Ikea in Charlotte today. I was a nice little road trip. Mostly I loathe being in my vehicle for any more than 10 mins at a time but my boyfriend is never less than the best company.

We came home with these items:

2 of these for the side tables in the living room
2 of these, the side tables for the living room
2 of these, night stands for the bedroom
this dining set & chairs (which was only $60.00!!!)

red cutting board

and this SEVENTEEN piece tupperware set for $5.00!! (microwaveable, dishwasherable, freezable!)

Needless to say, we felt VERY accomplished today. Haha... AND we fit it all into the back of my Jetta. Between assembling the couch, coffee table, desks, side tables, nightstands and reassembling the bed after the move... don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for another month or so.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE. I hope it's a blessing.

Check it out!

2009-10-14T14:19:00.003-04:00

New Stuff So Far :]

Washer

Dryer

2 Desks (one for the computer, one for my craftiness)

Coffee Table

Sofa

2 Pillows

...and stuff we plan on getting!

Dining Chairs

Dining Table

Doormat

Lights for the Balcony

...very excited

The weather is getting better!

2009-09-28T21:40:00.002-04:00

But I know it only leads to cold. Nate and I are watching House right now. We just had Cookout. Mmmm so good but SO very bad. Had color class at work tonight and it went SOOO well! I loved it, she loved it. Good :]

it's here :D

2009-09-23T08:46:00.003-04:00

it is officially fall in NC!
my favorite time of year :]

this weekend nate and i went to the farmers market. it was a good thing i didnt have any money because i would have come home with all kinds of treaures! the state fair is soon!! i love everything about this season. 8 days until nate and my (?) 3 year anniversary <3. grace park. we move in in mid-december. it has 11 foot ceilings, 967 sqft, concrete floors, a juliet balcony overlooking the area. it's above retail so we are within WALKING distance to a gym, starbucks, a nail salon, and more then 20 different restaurants and a bloom grocery store :]]]

SO excited.
gotta get ready now though. i skipped school today so that i can go with amanda to the paul mitchell school to help her teach a class!!

readyyyy!

2009-09-10T14:04:00.001-04:00

I'm ready for fall and pumpkins!

Super bummed

2009-08-14T19:22:00.009-04:00

Nate is gone for the weekend.

Had a TERRIBLE day at work.
(Which included waking up almost
an hour after I was supposed to be there)

Now I'm home and that's a relief.
But there's no boyfriend here. :/

Editing photos for hours.

Here are a couple:

PLEASE go vote for Sykes!

2009-08-11T23:10:00.001-04:00

back from Ohio

2009-08-11T10:32:00.005-04:00

slash Pennsylvania slash West Virginia.

It's all close enough that you can go to Pittsburgh PA, Wheeling WV, and St. Clairsville OH all in one day.

Here are a couple pics from Oglebay Park Zoo

I'll elaborate more later when I don't have to be getting ready for work :]

home

2009-08-01T09:23:00.000-04:00

i'm headed there. hopefully with photos from LOTS of fun things :]]

done :]

2009-07-27T01:52:00.001-04:00

found a dress!

2009-07-26T22:00:00.003-04:00

for adam's wedding!

these earrings

and i want one of these clutches:

i'm very excited!!

nate and i are watching harry potter (#1) so i think i'll work on the card i'm making for them as well :] i'll be sure to post it when i finish!

belief is not enough. there MUST be faith.

2009-07-26T11:08:00.005-04:00

Swimmers during learn to swim week, at a suburban swimming pool, probably Wellington region, ca 1939,
originally uploaded by National Library NZ on The Commons.

'... one wants to be careful about the word "believing." We too often mean by it "having confidence or assurance as a psychological state"-- as we have about the existence of furniture. But that comes and goes and by no means always accompanies intellectual assent, e.g., in learning to swim you believe, and even know intellectually that water will support you long before you feel any real confidence in the fact. I suppose the perfection of faith would make this confidence invariably proportionate to the assent.'

from Words to Live By

It's a beautiful evening :)

2009-07-25T19:22:00.001-04:00

BIG NEWS

2009-07-24T21:09:00.002-04:00

nathan, my brother and i moved EVERYTHING out of my apartment today.
i am RID of that awful place :]
the roommates, not SO bad. the location? TERRIBLE! (murder mart)
ew... just gross.
AND I'M OUT!

moving on with bigger and better and cleaner and nicer things :]

again

2009-07-23T00:36:00.003-04:00

Shia LaBeouf , originally uploaded by K.F.L..

[^_^]

Shia

2009-07-23T00:36:00.001-04:00

Shia LaBeouf , originally uploaded by K.F.L..

love love LOVE him

employee of the month of june :]

2009-07-22T21:22:00.002-04:00

i've been waiting on this for a while, and i finally got it.
i am NOT one to boast, but i KNOW i deserved it. :]]

i got a $50.00 prepaid visa and spent it within an hour of leaving work.

this is what i got:

printed on recycled paper with soy ink
sustainable beige linen cover
has all text that mentions something about the environment printed in green (over 1,000!)

(i really just like how it looked :])

and this:

which i am very excited about. i HAD to get it because when i just flipped through it at the store, i immediately opened to a page that had my FAVORITE quote ever on it. i took it as a sign.

quote:

"You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve," said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth. Be content."
-C.S. Lewis (Prince Caspian)

Psalm 46:10

2009-07-21T23:58:00.001-04:00

Psalm 46:10, originally uploaded by lovegaby.

"the answer is blowing in the wind..."

2009-07-20T10:12:00.001-04:00

"the answer is blowing in the wind...", originally uploaded by mneme1.

This photo is so breathtaking and so very simple all at once.

Dinner!

2009-07-20T00:04:00.002-04:00

Caesar Salad

Capellini with Shrimp, Peppers, and Salami

Garlic Bread

martha stewart is a genious

2009-07-19T20:39:00.002-04:00

i love every single thing she does.
when i have my own place to decorate,
you better believe i'm taking my cues from her :]

fingers crossed!

2009-07-18T20:17:00.002-04:00

i know we have already picked a place, but we couldn't help but look some more.

THIS place has a DOG PARK and having Sykes with me will be
10,000xs better if there is a CLOSE place to let him run :]
it doesn't hurt that the place is BEAUTIFUL and seemingly affordable.
it has a "spa" with tanning and massage.

we're going to look at this place and two others tomorrow!!

10:47am

2009-07-15T10:47:00.004-04:00

I should already be ready for work. I'm not. I got in bed at like 10:30 last night and slept until about 9 this morning. I was at work yesterday from 8:45am until 7:45pm. It was a long day. The worst part about it? That's going to become a regular thing for me when I'm done with school and, as much as I am excited about NO MORE SCHOOL, I am NOT excited for those hours at work. :/

In other news, I am so very in love with my boyfriend. I hope we get to be married one day.

ps: WHY can't we have a dewey's bakery in raleigh.
i NEED cake squares and it's not fair that winston gets ALL of them :[

i got that chicken strip sandwich, that day!

2009-07-13T09:43:00.002-04:00

it was awesome, too!

i got out of bed at, like, 9am and it is SO dark and cloudy that i'm tempted to get back in.
in fact i might. nate is at class until 11:45 or so. i was HOPING that the sun would be out so that i could go to the pool until he got home. but no, of course not.

yesterday his mom and david stopped to see us on their way back from the boone to wilmington. they had driven delaney to boone to stay with her grandparents for the week. we went to chilis and it was delish. when we got in the car to leave it wouldn't start. the battery was COMPLETELY dead. like, un-jumpable, so we asked this guy and his girlfriend if they had any tools.

at first david just thought maybe the corrosion on the battery was preventing it from getting any juice. this nice guy in his pimped out civic totally had a whole bag of tools. he let us use them, and when that wasn't the problem, david told them thanks and said they should go enjoy their meal. they guy offered to leave his tools with us so david kept the adjustable wrench so that he could use it when we got a new battery. he just told us to stick it under his tire when we were done. how nice and trusting is that? he was def our hero!

now all we needed was a new battery. walmart was two miles in one direction but it was open late. advance auto was about 700yards in the other direction but was closing in 15 mins. i suggested to call nate's roommate, but no. :P they opted for advance auto, so while nate's mom (donna) and i waited, they walked. i decided to call the place and ask the guy if he would be so kind to wait until they got there before closing up. he was pretty awkward on the phone and asked me things like:

'well, how long will it take them to get here?'
(umm, not sure. i've never walked from chili's to advance auto, sir)

and

'what do they look like?'
(they'll be the two guys who walk in at 8 o'clock and ask for a battery. COME ON)

so, they guy said he would be there until 8:10 or so doing paperwork. he wasn't very kind but he wasn't exactly mean either. not 5 minutes later (it's now like 7:50) nate and david come walking back. i asked them "what happened??" nate said "i just called bob (his roommate). he's going to come pick us up and take us to walmart." i'm like, OHHHH when i threw that idea out it was good enough! so then i remember that i've just asked this advance auto guy to keep and eye out for nate and david and now they aren't going. i told nate he had to call him back to tell him never mind but nate said it didn't matter, so whatever. no biggie. so we're waiting on bob to pull in and here he comes and he pulls in, and this nissan pathfinder in front of him stops right in front of him and pulls up to our car and yells out the window

"DO YOU WANT THE BATTERY OR NOT?"

it was the advance auto dude! i look at my watch and it's EXACTLY 8pm. which means he left the store before it even CLOSED. "i didn't see your friends walking anywhere". CREEPY. we told him they accidentally walked in the wrong direction and we would probably have to go pick them up. :P

anyway, david hops in the car with weird advance auto dude to go get a battery. now bob is there for nothing. so bob, nate, donna and i stand around telling funny stories for a half hour. we were beginning to get concerned at about the 20 minute mark. i mean david did hop in with some guy he doesn't know that came and FOUND us in the restaurant parking lot. FINALLY david gets back with creepy AA guy with a battery. david said the reason it took a half our was because the guy was closing the store. hahaha. WITH david there. we used the nice guy's wrench to install it, and then we put it back under his tire with 5$ attached to it. HOPEFULLY he got it :]

it just thundered!

2009-07-09T11:21:00.001-04:00

lady doctor today. its a man. never seen one of those. eek! i was supposed to be seeing this other really awesome lady who went out on maternity leave. go figure.

nothing to update really. i'm starving and could really go for a chicken strip sandwich with everything that comes on it plus cheese and extra pickles. from cookout.

Funny :]

2009-07-02T10:45:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfdoLBni4zA

2009-07-02T10:20:00.000-04:00

someone please save us, us college kids
what my parents told me is what i did
they said go to school and be a college kid
but in the end i question why i did

do what will make you happy
do what you feel is right
only but one thing matters
learn how to live your life

Picture Heavy?

2009-07-01T00:16:00.011-04:00

How has it been almost a month since I posted? Maybe because there is never really anything new in my life to post about. In the last month I have lost one Betta fish and gained 5 new ones. How does that happen? Here is a semi-panoramic of my tanks. The two small bowls currently have to two fish in them that are usually in the bigger than you see, BUT they are sick right now and are being quarantined. It's very serious business, this fish keeping!

Here are my fish:

Azrael
Male Double Tail Betta

Ares
Male Delta Tail Betta

Lucian
Male Veil/Delta Tail Betta

Viktor
Male Veil Tail Betta

Caspian
Male Delta Tail Betta

Most of them came home with Fin Rot (which is why their fins look torn in some places) already so I've been treating that. It's ridiculous how many fish I have and how much work it is but I love them.

What else is new? We had an awesome Redken class at work yesterday. Lori Zable came and showed us some awesome techniques and she was SO fun so it didn't suck QUITE as bad that it was 8 hours of class on my day off.

Last weekend, or maybe the weekend before, I went out with Liz and Sarah for Sarah's birthday and it was SUPER exciting. My old friend Zachery showed up with his super cute girlfriend and we all had a grand time dancing the night away at 5star. GOOD TIMES!

Adam Davis, one of my really good friends from elementary school and high school and all is getting married on Aug1. My cousin is having a baby soon (def an illigitimate kid but mixed babies are usually pretty cute right?) so that's kind of exciting. I actually haven't seen her in a very long time but she totally lives in Durham so I guess I should get on that. Gotta go back to school in August :[ Maggie (my manager) is getting married October 10. Nate and I will have been together for 3 years on October 1. My lease is up (FINALLY) at the end of July and tomorrow is July1 so that is VERY exciting. My brother's 23rd birthday is Aug26. Nate and I are going to Ohio the 2nd weekend in August to see my dad. He's never met my dad... This weekend is July4 and I think I'm going home to see MommaDukes and Sykes-e-pants.

I guess there is quite a bit going on in the next few months!
OH, and my hair is still growing!!

Annnnnd.... done?
I'm lame.

2009-06-11T19:26:00.000-04:00

Work us almost over. Finally. Today went by slow but I got a sweet
paycheck :)

^_^

Blog kitteh sez hai!

2009-06-10T10:09:00.001-04:00

Frum in yer moniter

Rainy!

2009-06-10T09:44:00.002-04:00

It stopped for a day and it's back :/

I left work yesterday after 3 hours cause I wasn't feelin' too hot. Just one of those days, you know, when you really don't feel like being there. I go in at 12 again today and I get paid tomorrow and I NEED it.

Can I just say, I am very glad summer is here, but I have never been more excited to have it over with, October-December holds very good things :]

SO READY

What Betta Dropsy Looks Like

2009-06-08T20:33:00.006-04:00

Aslan 2 Days Ago

Aslan, Today
(you can see how the dropsy has progressed)

Bummer

2009-06-06T19:33:00.001-04:00

Aslan has dropsy :/

I'm making him as comfortable as possible for now.

break fast

2009-06-02T09:45:00.000-04:00

things are good.

i just had a chocolate covered krispy kreme donut. oh yes.

:)

2009-05-29T14:51:00.001-04:00

It never fails, the ways he makes me smile.

i get paid thursday

2009-05-26T10:07:00.003-04:00

and it will be my first 'bigger' paycheck for the summer. excited! i dred going back to school in august but i will be DONE after that. forever.

still bummed about everything. it's really odd that ever since i found out about this possible decision, i see things about the military EVERYwhere i look. and i mean everywhere. it's ridiculous. he says he still wants us to be together, and i believe that. i just can't help but feel like this new "life" might make more decisions on it's own than he might actually make himself. does that even make sense? training for the air force would be 12 weeks and i'm pretty sure it wouldn't be in NC. 4 months. we already decided that he would just give me his half of the rent up front (for the time that he's gone) and i would pay it. i don't want another roommate. i told him i would rather live alone in OUR apartment that get another roommate.

it's not even set in stone. it's not even PARTIALLY set in stone. it's all going to work out.

time to get ready for work now so hopefully i won't have to think about it for another 8 hours.

i love him.

It has been quite a while!

2009-05-25T11:38:00.005-04:00

I've been busy though.

Let's see, where to start?

My hair is totally growing!
I've gone from this

to this

Slowly but surely!

Next on the list: The teacher we had as school this past semester hated me. She hated me because she was an idiot and I wasn't. She hated me because I asked questions that she couldn't answer. She hated me because I am not one to keep my mouth shut and just believe what you tell me. She hated me because I proved her wrong repeatedly and still said please and thank you and was disgustingly polite. She hated me enough to get me suspended. I "physically came at" her. Cool though right? Who gets suspended from cosmetology school? I do! So I failed theory. Oh well. Was supposed to be DONE with school this summer and now I will not be. The good news is that I'm working MORE than full time at the salon at 10$ an hour. The bad news is that I have to go back and finish in the fall. LAME GAME. Oh well.

Moving on to more important things. Nate and I are scheduled to move into OUR apartment on Dec 27th. The best christmas present ever is that we will be living together. I can't express how it makes me feel. But isn't there always an ugly side to everything good?? I found out Nate is interested in joining the military. Out of nowhere. I haven't told anyone but my mom because of how much it upsets me to even say it out loud. I don't know what to do. I don't know where it leaves us and I can't even wrap my brain around it. There are no words that will ever explain the way I feel recently. It's bad. I sound so selfish but if that's what it is then that's just what it is. I've asked him if he realizes how much of a life changing experience it is for more than just him.

I don't know.

2009-03-15T23:14:00.000-04:00

just so you know... the text message you sent me today made me feel a little bit better.

2009-03-14T18:44:00.004-04:00

just so you know... the text message you sent me today made me sick to my stomach. and then i cried. but i didn't cry for myself... i cried for you.

and just so you know, i saved that message in my phone and i'm not even sure why.
i never want to read it again, but somehow, one day, it might serve as a reminder of what kind of person you might be. i hope i never need that reminder but you never know.

On a much better note...

2009-03-05T13:52:00.003-05:00

I am TOTALLY going to Wilmington this weekend.

I can NOT wait for Friday night.

Which I just realized is TOMORROW night so I need to pack tonight. Depending on Dede's schedule I might just stay until Monday cause I don't have cutting class this coming Monday night :] I can't even explain how badly I need to get away for a couple of days.

I can't wait to see a LOT of people, either.

Did I mention the weather is going to be ridiculously PERFECT?

CHECK IT:

Not sure if you noticed but it said "ABUNDANT SUNSHINE" :]

:/

2009-03-05T13:40:00.002-05:00

“Oh, Sweet Vanity”

I love Ray Caesar.

Today at school, I was talking to one of the girls (who is almost always super nice) about salon stuff and I kept noticing that she would almost wince when she was looking at me. A few minutes later she said “Your hair freaks me out…”

I replied with “I know that, but you don’t have to wear it on your head. No one is making you shave yours, or even trim it.”

She tried to fake smile and pretend she was OK with it but I can always see how disgusted she is with the fact that a girl would ever shave her head. It first became apparent to me when she told me (the last day of school before St. Baldrick’s) “Don’t do it!” while everyone else was giving their regards and such. The look on her face was almost painful as she begged me not to shave the hair off of my head.

It makes me really sad that people really think their hair is what makes them beautiful. It seems odd that I, a future stylist, might say that, but I love this field because I enjoying giving people the tools and knowledge to style their hair themselves and feel good everyday. You never know what the person sitting in your chair feels like or what they are going through and sometimes fixing one little thing that they have come to YOU for help with, is all they need to make it to the next day. I enjoying cutting and coloring hair because I know that I have transformed something as simple as hair, yet as important as your best accessory. However, I do not feel like having hair makes you any more beautiful than someone who chooses (or doesn’t get the choice) not to have hair.

It’s one thing to say that you could never be comfortable enough to shave your own head, but it’s another thing to disregard the fact that something as simple as shaving off your stupid hair can raise money to help kids; maybe even to save lives one day!

It just tells me that she doesn’t find herself beautiful, inside or out. And that anyone who doesn’t look like her is obviously not beautiful either. Or maybe it’s just the opposite. Either way: Unfortunate. She can’t see past herself.

013

2009-01-23T14:12:00.005-05:00

Didn't go to class last Friday.

Worked Saturday.
Chilled Sunday.
No school Monday (MLKJr), But had a class at work.
SNOWED LIKE 6-8 INCHES on TUESDAY (So, no school)! :]]
No school Wednesday (Snow).
2 hour delay on Thursday.
School today. Got home around 1:00.
Made Nate lunch. Watched TV til his lunchbreak was over.
Bout to head to work for tonight.
It's 60degrees right now. Crazy.
(There is still a lot of snow on the ground in the shady areas. :])

I'm REALLY tired though, today. :/ Lame.

012

2009-01-07T13:48:00.002-05:00

To quote Death Cab (and who doesn't?):

"So this is the new year.
And I don't feel any different."

I don't really. Work's the same, school's the same. Last semester though. Today I went and registered and it took 2.5 hours. I went yesterday, but left when I saw that it was a 4 hour way. I was told that in the fall, registration will be made available online. Great timing.

Anyway.

While Death Cab doesn't claim to have any resolutions, I do. I decided to start eating healthier. I stopped drinking Pepsi (hopefully you are all aware of how hard this is for me). I still start EVERY morning with coffee, but I need that caffeine to function. I've lost like, 3lbs this week. Drinking tons of water. Making dinner. Healthy dinner, that is. I haven't eaten any food from any restaurants in over a week now. Doesn't sound very hard but I work in the middle of the gigantic shopping area that is Brier Creek. I am no less that 5 mins walking distance to:

Wild Wings Cafe
Subway
Chinese
Red Robin
Moe's
Mexican
Starbucks
Panera Bread

Across the street there is:

Chic-Fil-A
Bob Evan's
McDonald's
Chili's
Jason's Deli
I <3 NY Pizza
Applebee's
Uno Chicago Grill
etc etc etc

You get the point. Lunch is easy. But expen$ive!! So I've been taking leftovers and eating really well. The fact that I've already lost weight is SO motivating. Next step is exercise but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. :P

Birthday was fun. It for sure had it's letdowns though. Christmas was great! Went home and spent time with Mom and Josh. Spent time with all of Nate's family. Love him <3

011

2008-11-26T21:14:00.002-05:00

Nate is gone to Ashe/Watauga counties for the holiday and I am at his apartment keeping it warm for him. This is going to sound bad, but I was immediately overcome with loneliness the second I said goodbye to him. It was actually quite overwhelming. It hurts a little. He'll be gone until Saturday. My dad comes tomorrow to see me for Thanksgiving. Very short notice but I really need to make the best of it. I feel myself dredding it a little. It's been over two years now and the two of them still have not met. I guess it doesn't matter though, one day they'll meet. I want to keep Nate forever. I want him to always be mine.

010

2008-10-14T11:37:00.002-04:00

So far October is proving to be fairly nice! Aside from the obvious continual money issues and gas prices sucked REALLY hard for a while there. It's coming down a little now, but still NC has some of the highest gas prices in the continental US and Raleigh is still the highest in the state. LAME.

Fair this weekend :]
Football game Thursday! It's my first State game ever!

I love all of my neighbors; Brian, Bobby, Andy Jeff, The Davids. Even if I don't see them ALL as often as most of them :]. It's so nice living with people you like and having great people upstairs and across the parking lot to hang out with!

Love my boyyyyfriend. <3 It's nice to know that someone wants to take care of you when you need it. Speaking of, Dede and Josh and NOT good. He blew up last night because she told him she was sending a care package to a friend of her's (a guy) who's mom was just diagnosed with cancer. Josh found out that the guy has been crushin on Dede (even though it's completely unrequited) and FLIPPED because in his opinion she shouldn't even be talking to anyone who likes her at ALL. It's so hypcritical in my opinion.

He kept in touch with Stephanie for EVER and still has pictures that she drew for them hanging in their BEDROOM. How much does that suck? But Dede has overlooked a lot because she wantes to be with him and I guess that's given him this In Charge Point of View.

I love both of them soooo much and I don't see Josh changing the way he is so I think they just need to part ways and eventually everything can all smooth over. Honestly though, as much as he says it, I know he doesn't want to be away from her. He's said the MEANEST things to her but I know he's just hurting inside. Dede doesn't deserve to be treated that way at all and Josh doesn't deserve to be so unhappy in life. I hate being so far from them so much.

:[

009

2008-10-01T13:40:00.002-04:00

happy 2 years!!

008

2008-09-29T09:53:00.002-04:00

So it wasn't strept! I had Acute Pharyngitis or something. Whatever. It's pretty much gone but still lingering and making it's presence known.

Sometimes I need a break from the life I'm in. Every single part of it.

Also, I spent my day yesterday taking Sykes back to my mom's house. Way huge bummer. A couple of my roommates weren't as excited about having him as they previously were which sucks because things were going so well at first and then.... well when you're gone 14+ hours a day and at first people offer to take him out and walk him and such, and then that STOPS well... yea.

So he's at home. I miss him and it makes me sad but he loves that yard anyway. My mom's last day at Reynolds is supposed to be tomorrow. Laid off after 25 years. That's crazy. ALSO... she's having carpel tunnel surgery soon so her life is changing dramatically. I wish she had someone to help take care of her and the farm. She certainly deserves it.

Makes me sad.

007

2008-09-24T22:33:00.002-04:00

006

2008-09-23T15:05:00.005-04:00

Okay here we go. I think I have strept again. Today is the 2nd day where my throat is terribly uncomfortable. Haley, at work was out with Mono and then came back for a week, only to leave with strept so.... bingo. I'm not going to work tonight so that I can so spend money at urgent care and whatever pharmacy I can get my drugs at. Lame. Nate will take good care of me though.

Today was the 2nd day of fall, I do believe. Autumn is officially my favorite time of year for the following reasons:

(none of these photos are mine,
in fact i don't know who they belong to.
found them on google so CREDIT to all of you.)

Also: 8 days until my two year anniversary with Nate. There's absolutely NOTHING better than this time of year, except spending this time of year with someone you are in love with.

005

2008-08-18T23:24:00.003-04:00

I got all moved in this weekend! Whew. It was a lot of work in just a few days but I got a lot of help from Nate! I really couldn't have done it without him. My roommates are awesome. Lisa, Jen, and Currie... so maybe having neighbors my age will actually pay off as I'd like to have some friends in Raleigh if I'm ever going to make it out here in the big city. I get Sykes back soon! How exciting? I've missed him SO SO much but he's going to hate leaving the farm life to come back to the apartment. I really hope he readjusts well. School starts Thursday. I only go for an hour but I'm sort of excited to get back and get this last year DONE!

Patience.

004

2008-08-13T18:47:00.002-04:00

Today at work Amanda and her client and I all talked about church. It really made me miss having a church that I enjoy going to. I would want Nate to go with me, and I'm not sure how that would go. I know he'd go, but I also know he might not accept the idea fully. He's not against God or anything, just doesn't really like the idea of church.

I've been talking to my friend Greg a lot lately. He lives in Australia and goes to/works at Hillsong. I miss him a lot. He really used to support me a lot and keep me in line at school at stuff. He comes home in March and has been offered a job in Raleigh but I know he'll go back to NSW. He's just an awesome person. I need more awesome people in my life. I haven't really surrounded myself with many people since I've lived in Raleigh so I totally have the chance to surround myself with the right people, right now.

I also want to read. I miss reading. I feel like reading would give me peace, along with good people. Money really stresses me out and I feel like since I've let money become a concern for me, it's only gotten worse.

I also want to start making listening to Hillsongs Podcasts and C3 Church's Podcasts regularly.

003

2007-10-16T10:28:00.000-04:00

Nate and I went to the North Carolina State Fair on Sunday evening!!
I had never been before, only to the Dixie Classic Fair in Winston Salem
[and I hadn't been there since I was a kid] so I had a really good time!

002

2007-10-14T09:04:00.000-04:00

I really love taking photographs...

...a lot.

001

2007-10-12T15:58:00.000-04:00

Hi, This is me... sitting in Firebelly's in downtown Wilmington, NC. I'm 22. My friend Ben took this picture while I was on the phone with my significant better half, Nathan. I have a habit of starting a new blog at any given blog spot on the world wide web, then failing to keep up with it... then either picking up where I left off or beginning again elsewhere. This is one of those times. Forgive any typos and/or misspellings as I chose to place the blame on my new, clumsy, awkward acrylic nails I had done at school today. Oh, by the way, I'm in cosmetology school so we do stuff like that daily. Oh, also... by the way, I don't live in Wilmington anymore. Now I live in "Raleigh-esque", NC. Before that I lived in Greensboro for a bit, while I was NOT attending classes at UNCG. I'm actually from near Winston-Salem, NC. Just a bit of a background review on the geography of Ashley.

I, uh, work at a Salon in Raleigh where I'm a receptionist. I hope to do hair there eventually.
I have a dog who's awesome and loves me more than he should. He's a shih-poo, named Sykes. Here he is, riiiight here...
I'm not exactly sure where to go with this.... I have a boyfriend whom I've been with now for JUST over a year. He's amazing. He's smart. He's going to school at NCSU to be an accountant. I've never felt such respect from any man in my life. It's just such a good feeling to finally have someone with stability. Not to metion his family is great! So many good things wrapped up in one guy!
I have 3 best always&forever friends.

Morgan, since 1991

Ashley, since 2004

and Dede, since last year

Now, while all 3 of my best friends are perfect and irreplaceable... I've never gotten as close with anyone as quickly and as surely as Dede and I are. It's amazing. She's my rock here recently. Morgan and I have the kind of relationship where we don't have to talk everyday and we'll still remain solid... unbreakable. Ashley and I have more fun together than any two people I know. We feed off of each other's happiness and he laugh makes my heart warm. I sound creepy kinda... yea, but I'd die for any of the 3 of them. Morgan lives back at home, Ashley lives in Greensboro, and Dede lives in Wilmington. None of the have ever even met each other. Weird. I feel like I've snagged the best parts of every place I've lived and have kept them close to me, all for myself. The same goes for Nate, being from Raleigh. I just got stuck right about there... I'll write some more my second go round.